The Version of Me People Are Used To
I haven’t written here in a long time. Not because nothing was happening. Because too much was, and I didn’t know yet how any of it ended.
This year I turned 45. I spent the last 14 years in full mom mode raising two very active boys, and they’re finally independent enough that I have room to think about myself again. It’s a different season to go from making sure you keep your kids alive to making sure you have meaningful conversations to raise kind humans. They are hard in different ways, but in this season I find myself with more space to focus on me than I did before. So I’ve been inspired to share more of my journey.
Here goes my first post in 7 years. It starts with a photo I almost didn’t post.
Not because I don’t like it. Because it’s very different than the version of me people are used to seeing.
I’m a basketball and lacrosse mom. I’m the one in athletic wear pretty much every day, carrying or recording behind the baller cam watching my kids play sports, and I love it. I joke that my hobby is watching my kids do their hobby. I’m also Korean American, grew up in a Christian family, and am a Christ follower. I’m proud of every one of these titles and none of them are going anywhere.
But what’s interesting is that I’m realizing that with those titles, I created an image for me. An image of what someone with those titles should look like and how they should act. No one directly told me I had to follow this image, but it was something I put upon myself to carry on these titles.
A few weeks ago, I did a photoshoot with photographer David Suh. The entire experience was super special. About a week ago I got my pictures. I was so nervous downloading the photos, and when I opened them I just froze. I felt something I couldn’t name right away. My first thought was I can’t share these. But then my next question was why?What I actually felt was that these photos didn’t match the titles.
And then I had a realization that made me think I HAVE to share these.
I run a marketing company. My whole job is making other people stand out from their competitors. I build the systems that get people noticed, booked, remembered. I think I’m pretty good at it. I get paid to do what I do.
But then I realized when it comes to my business, I go back to my titles and do my best to not stand out and blend into the crowd.
So I need to give myself some new titles: CEO, Boss Mom, Visionary. I feel this photo embodies these new titles, and it gave me the courage and the push to share it.
After the photoshoot, at dinner, David shared something. It was so good I recorded him. When he first said it, I didn’t fully understand what he meant, but it was something I kept coming back to. Then I got the pictures, and it totally sank in. I’ll continue in the next post.
What are the old titles you put on yourself?
